Thursday, February 2, 2017

Are You Really Just Friends or Have You Crossed the Line? 5 Signs You’re Having An Emotional Affair


I think that Sleeping Beauty and the rest of the Disney princesses are partly to blame for all of this fantasy about two people who could fall deeply in love after performing a 3-minute musical.  This is mediocre.

Love, respect, and honesty are the basic foundations of a strong relationship.  If there is a breach in any of these elements then negative things happen, like having an emotional affair.

An emotional affair is a new relationship that sits on the borderline of friendship and romance.  Part of its deceptive nature is that it starts out innocent and then eventually evolves into something, not necessarily sexual, but confusing and inappropriate.

So, watch out for these warning signs and check if you’re being emotionally unfaithful.

                             Photo by: Mateus Lunardi Dutra

#1) He Has Become Your Primary Confidant

It feels so right to find someone who understands your frustrations, someone who validates you and can make you laugh.  The only thing wrong about this picture is that the person you’re sharing your hopes and dreams with isn’t your husband.

So, here goes the million dollar question.  Out of all your friends, why choose to confide in this specific person?

You should know that every single time you invest your emotion you are also drawing commitment away from your relationship.  Eventually, you become less interested and distant with your partner.

No mortal is ever immune to communicate and to having meaningful companionship.  However, making this element of human nature an excuse for your behavior, when you’re already committed to someone, is a breach of trust.  You are putting your partner in a negative position once you let another person have a special connection with you. 

#2) He Occupies Your Mind, a Lot    

The anomaly is more obvious at this stage.  You find yourself anxiously checking on your phone, waiting for a call or a text message from him.  When you’re not together, you find yourself thinking about him a lot.  You fantasize about him and just the mere thought of seeing him gives certain parts of your body a pulsating sensation, which is a total giveaway that may lead to unfaithfulness. 

At this point in time, the feeling of excitement and anticipation of being with the person are not innocent anymore. 

#3) He Pushes the Friendship to the Edge & You’re Enjoying It

You start to break the “friendship hours.”  You contact each other on weekends and find ways to meet outside work.  This also includes the exchange of dirty jokes, sexy videos and some naughty thoughts.  You get curious on how far he will go and you try to gauge his reactions.

You are opening yourself to a particular type of intimacy which creates a unique bond that cuts out and totally excludes your partner.  Furthermore, the temptation of the availability of spending time alone with this guy makes you more vulnerable to do something wrong.

#4) He Give You Presents

Gift-giving is good but not if it comes with a motive.  This phase is a little bit tricky because it is not limited to things that you wouldn’t normally receive from a friend of the opposite sex, like sexy lingerie or jewelries.  It could also come in simple forms like coffee, chocolates and candies.  There is always a hidden message that comes with it, “We are so close.”

#5) Introducing Him to Your Partner Makes You Feel Uneasy

You better really check yourself when you feel uneasy spending time with this person when your partner is around. Obviously there is something that you’re trying to hide or that you’re ashamed or scared of, especially when your partner finds out what you have been sharing with this person.

How to Deal With It

To strongly deal with infidelity is to learn its components.  You have to understand that more than just sex, having an affair is about breaking trust.

To prevent an emotional affair doesn’t mean you should stop meeting people and avoid your friends.  Aside from being unhealthy, it is also unrealistic.  Harder than it sounds, the solution is to communicate with your partner and address your issues.  Once you’re in a committed relationship, you become exclusive.  You have to know that there are certain things that you can only share with your partner and not to the rest of the world.  Your partner should be your priority, your primary go-to person and your 911 for most things.

Also, whenever you find yourself missing that person, snap out of it right away.  Make yourself busy and create a distraction from the distraction itself.  Be creative and proactive by not giving into the “emotional rush”.  Let go of the feeling.

Surround yourself with safe friends, meaning not closely-related to the man you’re trying to avoid.  Friends serve as your personal life-support system.  They never fail to override the feeling of being alone.

Finally, think logically.  Calculate the cost of everything you need to give up to fulfill your fantasy like your marriage, your home, the happiness of your kids and the feelings of people dear to you.  In the end, you will realize that it is not at all worth it.

The antidote is making correct decisions after another.  So, you better check yourself before these warning signs get you trapped so bad that you’ll ruin your entire universe.

Have you ever been attracted to someone else while you’re in a committed relationship?  Whether or not, you find yourself guilty of emotional affair, what do you think is the best way to deal with it?  Feel free to share your thoughts.